The Red Bulls

CONTINGENCY OPERATING BASE BASRA, Iraq – Many years ago, I was a tester on the Expert Infantryman Badge training lanes. I was on my way home for the day when I heard someone yell, “hey you.” I glanced down at my nametape because, well, let’s face it, I was an infantryman. Nope, not me, I thought. My nametape still says Lankford. I continued to walk, and that’s when it happened; whoever was trying to get my attention whistled. This will not end well.

From my first days in the Army, I had been taught that you call officers sir or ma’am, enlisted by their rank and if you’re not sure you call them Soldier. This has come in handy a few times when I couldn’t tell if it was a sir or a ma’am.

Now, on the EIB lanes a tester develops the air of a drill sergeant. You have to. After all, you hold the fate of all ranks in the palm of your hands. I abruptly turned on my heals towards the whistler and stormed in his direction at the pace of an angry freight train.

“Do I look like a dog to you? Does my nametape say ‘Old Yeller’? Just who the hell do you think you are?” Who he was began to become apparent as I got closer. He sure had a lot of stripes and rockers on that collar. Oh well, my EIB will protect me. After all, I’m a tester; this is my lane. Wait, what’s that in the middle of those stripes and rockers. Oh boy; this really will not end well.

The freight train slowly turned into the little engine that could…but didn’t want to. I came to a complete halt, at the position of parade rest, only a few feet from my command sergeant major. This will not end well at all.
The command sergeant major’s eyes were burning holes in my face as I began to apologize for ever being born. He let me go on for a little while before his face softened and he began to laugh. Oh no, he’s hysterical, I thought. This is the part where he kills me and dumps my body in the woods.
After a moment, my would-be killer gathered his thoughts. Specialist, he said, you are exactly right. I know better than to address a Soldier the way I did and I apologize. No hard feelings?

No hard feelings? Are you kidding? I feel like someone just backed a tank off of my chest. That reminds me; there’s something I’ve been forgetting to do. Oh yeah … breath Dave, breath.

In this case, rudeness caused a very tense situation. It took two people away from what they were doing for several minutes and nearly caused a young Soldier a heart attack.
 So the next time you want to yell “hey you,” or say “watch it” rather than “excuse me,” you should think twice. You may be standing in the path of a freight train, or even worse, a command sergeant major.